Shut up, BBC

Commercial television is supported by advertising.

It doesn't really want to be. Honestly. Commercial television bosses know that viewers hate adverts. Negotiations with advertising agencies are the bane of any TV employee's life. Plus, nowadays, everyone knows that almost all adverts are worthless lies. Frankly, commercial television would much rather not have it. But it needs it, because commercial television isn't free to make, and you, you lucky viewers, you get it for free.

Summary: Commercial television is supported by advertising because it has to be, not because it wants to be, or because it thinks that ramming toss down its viewers' throats is a good thing to be doing (with the exception of ITV, obviously, who seem to have based their programme schedule on that very principle).

SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SO MUCH PISSING ADVERTISING ON THE FUCKING BBC?

I turned on to watch Robin Hood the other night. Yes, I know, but I like it, so there. Anyway, between whatever it was that was before Robin Hood, and the appearance of the pleasantly-anachronistic Sheriff, I was treated to the following:

1. An advertisement for Eastenders. See my previous entry on Soap Operas. Sorry, I can't be arsed to figure out how to link it.
2. A quick cameo from seventy-nine-year-old Bruce Forsyth and some tart, telling me to be sure to tune in later so that I could find out the results of some vote about some dancing competition that is apparently being held. Now... if I had already watched the show, I would know to tune in later anyway and, if I had enjoyed the show as well, would already be planning to do so. If, as was the case, I hadn't watched the show, why the fuck would I care about the results? And either way, why is the BBC trying to drum up more people to watch their stuff when they get the sodding licence fee anyway?
3. An advertisement for a show called Joe Borrows A Big House, or something like that. Seemed to involve the cool guy out of Spooks in some capacity but I was too numbed and horrified by the thought of Bruce Forsyth dancing for my entertainment that it didn't really register.
4. Worst of all: On comes some twat of an announcer, and tells me something like this:

"And now, Robin Hood. Tonight, Robin has to deal with a traitor in his band, and Marion exposes a hint of cleavage to keep the dads interested, although there is no real plot justification for this behaviour."

Fuck. Off.

I'm just about to watch the show, during the course of which I will discover what the fuck happens in it, in the order and at the times determined by the show's writers, in order to give me the highest level of entertainment (once again recalling that this isn't an ITV show). Therefore I don't need someone to tell me - just before the show - what's going to happen in it. If, for some perverse reason, I did want to know what was going to happen in it, I could simply use the digibox OSD. Or, if I was the sort of person who wanted to know what was going to happen in TV programmes but who didn't have digital TV, I could have bought a Radio Times or one of those tat equivalents with all the celebrity gossip instead.

So, the question is, what function does the announcement serve? I'm going to watch the show anyway. Other people aren't. Are there really people out there who think "Oh, Robin Hood, that's shit, I wonder what utter toss is on ITV... oh, wait, a traitor in the gang, you say? Well, now I'll definitely watch it all the way through instead."?

Summary: BBC, stop the fuck advertising yourself and just tell me the name of the programme that's on next and (possibly) what will be on after that.

Oh, and another thing, no more "coming soon" trailers. I want a fucking date, God damn you. What, do you think I'm going to watch you more every day on the off chance that that might be the day you reveal the actual date the show starts?

Robin Hood was quite good though. Robin dealt with a traitor in his band, and Marion looked quite nice.

Me: I'd like to cancel my Sky subscription, please.
Person: Oh, may I ask why?
Me: Yes. I think it's too expensive, and I already have Virgin phone and broadband, so I'm moving to them, because it's cheaper.
Person: Have you considered maybe changing your package? That would save you some money.
Me: Yes. I have considered changing it. To Virgin. That will save me some money.
Person: Only we have a great special deal available at the moment!
Me: You do? Really? Is it - in actual fact - great and special?
Person: Well, OK, no, it's not really that special.
Me: Fair enough, good effort though; you nearly had me there. What is it then?
Person: If anyone threatens to leave us, in a convincing enough fashion, we offer to pay £125 for their BT reconnection fee. Would that be of interest?
Me: Well, I guess it would be of interest, except that it isn't. You see, the thing is, it's actually cheaper for me to move to Virgin. That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Person: OK, so what you're saying is, if we could come back with a competitive package, you'd want to stick with Sky, right?
Me: No, what I'm saying is, I hate giving my money to any millionaire, but now that I have the choice I'd rather give it to a silly beardy one than a hateful and rather suspect politically-dubious one.
Person: Sorry, I didn't quite follow that.
Me: Your boss is a git.
Person: Oh, right, so what you're saying is, if we could come back with a competitive boss, you'd want to stick with Sky, right?
Me: Is that a service you're likely to offer in the near future?
Person: Well, ok, no. Not really.
Me: Right, I'd like to cancel my Sky subscription then, please.
Person: OK, right you are. Thanks very much. Motherfucker.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Person: Oh, I said, "That's all done for you now, sir."
Me: Great. Bye then.
Person: Bye.