Something old, something new, something borrowed, something poo

Old:
Richard Herring, at 39*. He's very funny though. An excellent balance between rather clever multi-layered comedy and straight-up toilet humour.

New:
A ripped Burger King bag on your table is a great way of making sure people don't sit too close to you, even on a surprisingly-crowded midnight train back from London.

Borrowed:
A young girl on the train was crying because the battery in her mp3 player was bust and she had to go all the way to Shoeburyness (not a nice experience at the best of times). I "lent" her mine, although I don't suppose I'll be seeing it back again. I politely left aside the question of what a mere slip of a 14-odd-year-old was doing on her own on the midnight train coming back from London.

Poo:
In the Burger King they didn't have any Double Whoppers left, only a Double Whopper XL. I had a theory that this would be too big, but I bought it anyway. It was too big. Therefore, for the last part of the journey, I was holding in a huge poo, which my readers will be pleased to know I released into the depths of the sewerage system just before writing this entry.

Also, why is it a Double Whopper XL rather than, say, a Triple Whopper? Does it really all three of the words in its name to describe its size?

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* This is called "poetic licence", incidentally.